i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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