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I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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