I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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