my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize