Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
