so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
