No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
