I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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