party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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