Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
