yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
