I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
