2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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