Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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