He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize