I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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