She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Less talking, more tequila
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
