i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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