fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
