I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
