Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
