How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
