last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
