It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
