There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
