Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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