she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
