can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize