She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
