I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
