I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
