literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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