I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
