NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
