I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are the jesus of drinking
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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