New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize