I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
