Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
