I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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