i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
