i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
