I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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