Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
