but the lizard people decide everything anyway
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
last night I used snow as a chaser
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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