i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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