White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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