Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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