I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
