Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
