We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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