Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So much Jack, so little girl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
