I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
