I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
