I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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