So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize