addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
