I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
