How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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