I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
