I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
