I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize