i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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