In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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