id be glad to
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
