It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
