so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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