Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
