Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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