SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
