And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
