I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
