True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
