I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
