the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
