I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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