He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
