i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
