I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
