I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
