haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I die, sorry about rent.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
