he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
smell my finger.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
